Pre-Engagement
Prepare for a Gospel-transformed Marriage
We believe it is God’s desire that our community allow the gospel to transform every aspect of our lives—particularly marriages, producing great joy and demonstrating what God is like to those around us.
Our culture (even within churches) tends to view marriage more as a means of self-gratification than a covenant relationship for the sake of God’s kingdom. It is tempting to make good things, such as love, romance and marriage into ultimate things in our lives, settling for less than the true satisfaction that is ours in Jesus.
Knowing the marriages in our community are vital in being effective ambassadors of the gospel, we take preparing for marriage very seriously. So seriously that we ask those of you interested in pursuing marriage to complete this pre-engagement process even before you set a wedding date. This is so preparing for a wedding doesn’t divert resources (time, money, emotional energy , etc.) from preparing for a marriage. One is for a few hours, the other is for a life-time.
Main Aspects of the Pre-Engagement Process
Information: Do we understand and believe what the Bible says about marriage?
Skills: Do we know how to put Biblical teaching on communication, conflict resolution, budgeting, parenting, sexuality, etc. into practice in everyday life motivated by the gospel?
Accountability: Do we have close relationships with peers and leaders that provide a context for growth toward maturity during the pre-engagement process and after the wedding?
Ideal Process
Please don’t see this as a bunch of hoops to jump through so you are guaranteed you will have the perfect marriage or to please some leader in the church. It really is to love you well by preparing you for marriage. It is possible the elders and counselors leading you may ask for you to add or change something in this process.
Couple Living in Community
The couple is an active part of the covenant community, a missional community, and a DNA group.
Retreats
The man attends a Men’s Retreat, and the woman attends a Women’s Retreat.
Biblical Foundations
- The couple attends/listens to Biblical Marriage Class
- The couple completes:
Biblical Theology of Marriage and Family quiz (Word doc)
“Your Story” (Word doc)
Pre-Engagement Questionnaire (Word doc) - The couple purchases two copies of Preparing for Marriage God's Way workbook by Wayne Mack and completes session 1.
Counseling
- The couple notifies Abe Meysenburg of desire to begin pre-engagement counseling. Talk through process of finding a mentor couple. Set up appointments with mentor couple and counselor.
- The couple complete 12 counseling sessions dealing with communication, conflict resolution, financial management, family of origin issues, sex, roles and responsibilities, parenting, etc.
Confirmations
- Counselor and mentor couple give okay
- Elders leading the couple give okay
Wedding
Wedding details arranged with the person conducting the ceremony
Check-up
Participate in 6 month, 1-year check up with marriage mentors and counselor.
Live happily ever after…
If this process seems a bit long and involved… you are correct… it absolutely is! The elders and other leaders conducting wedding ceremonies and responsible before God to care for you, want to be certain you are well prepared for this weighty commitment and that, as a community, our marriages are vibrant and bring glory to God—a marriage that brings glory to God is also a marriage that will bring you lasting joy because that joy is found only in God.